I’m Learning

Well, I’m finally here and I finally have ‘net access. These past few days have been very enjoyable. I don’t start working at either gig until next week, so for a week I get to relax and take in the city.The dorm I’m staying in is apartment-style and it’s pretty decent. My roommate is cool, but moving out in two days. We’ll see how the next one turns out. I have four other suitemates: All seem like good people…that love their weed. For a moment, I was little concerned about being the only negro in the suite, but that’s my “sheltered” life for you. I’m sure my tales of being the only minority will pale in comparison to life in Chinatown. People weren’t lying about the odd smells.Yesterday I took a walk to Union Square and sat amongst the Bush protesters likening Dubya to Hitler and the other colorful people of the city – like the old man who stuck his hand down his zipper to play with himself for five minutes. Funny thing is at the time I thought nothing of it.Last nite I went to Brooklyn to kick it with a friend from high school and saw a huge rat fake out two kids by leaping down the sewer, only to pop back up to continue to walk down the streets. Yeah, I don’t like that so much. I think I heard the rat singing “Knuck If You Buck.” I bucked out of his damn way, thank you. Oh, I kinda umm…smoked a black (if you know me, you know I hate anything that will give me cancer) and we finished a bottle of Hennessy. That is completely out of character for me. After talking to him for a few minutes, I realized how much of a prude I am. Eh, I’ll loosen up a bit more. However, if prudish behavior leads to a successful career in the city I want to live in, I’ll tighten up quicker than a….can’t finish that one. *insert halo*But seriously, don’t expect me to smoke too much. I am known for chasing people around the yard at Howard yelling, “You’re going to die of cancer. Save yourself.”, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite. That and I don’t want to join them in the hospital.Went up to the MTV building for lunch with a friend from Howard, who’s interning with VH1’s “Best Week Ever.” How great is that? That show has been calling my name since it premiered. Let’s hope my friend Iman one day works on the show, and chooses to hook her boy up with a guest spot. MTV gets extra points for the bomb cafeteria. That turkey burger and those fries were good. Better than the crap I had at Applebee’s two nights before. MTV News’ Sway walked in as I was leaving. I should be seeing him all the time soon. I want to see LaLa and Quddus next haha. This is probably the most I’ve spent in the room doing nothing since I got here on Sunday. If I didn’t go out tonight, I’ll be fine…but let’s hope something jumps off. Iman was telling me something about MTV doing an event tonight. We’ll see.While I’m in the room, I should go study the submay map. The damn thing is huge. I could do that, then decide whether or not I’m going to buy a tv for my room. More than likely I won’t even be in the room often; but, when I am in here, I think I’ll want to catch some mind-numbing show. More ramblings later…

Someone Hand My Pitiful Self a Sade Album…

Rarely will you ever hear me talk about someone I’m into. I haven’t dated anyone in quite some time. How long? Long enough to actually feel embarrassment over it, so I dare not share that tidbit with the world (world = four people reading this entry). As much as I love entertaining the question, “Why aren’t you dating again?”, I recently decided it’s time for me to *gulp* open up and seek a mate. Let’s get real: A man’s got needs and besides, when singing off key to old Jodeci songs, it’s better to see someone you care about cringe at the sound of your voice, rather than a host of strangers on the subway.

There’s a problem, though. A couple actually. I fear rejection. I don’t trust many people. And the biggie of the bunch: I hate being hurt. While I may not be the most sensitive soul, I have to deal with a lot of bullshit and, the last thing I need is another problem – especially if it can be avoided. Typically with me, if I like you, then that means you’re special. Hopefully that doesn’t sound egotistical. What I mean is, if you can take my mind off of everything around me, then you’s a bad somebody. Ha, that’s even worse, isn’t it? Whatever.Unfortunately, these people usually turn out to be the absolute worst for me, hence my reluctance to get back into the swing of things. Part of it is usually my fault. You would think with so many of my friends coming to me for advice on relationships (so what if I’m inexperienced, ask anyway, right?), I would know when someone is wrong for me. If only that were true. I will meet someone, fall head over heels , then proceed to be shitted on. It’s a vicious cycle, one I can’t seem to break. Before you wonder, yes I indeed have a backbone. Still, I’m never able to pull away. Enter the new person. I met ’em while visiting a friend. We didn’t formally meet that day, but technology works miracles. I ended up travelling for hours just to kick it.The day turned out to be a great one. Only Ice Cube could top me. I was nervous, I laughed so much, and I was smiling the entire time we spent together. That’s no easy feat. By the end, I thought I may have found someone who would break the cycle. Then reality stepped in. To make a long story short, after things became a bit weird, I began to ask questions. Turns out they’re seeing someone else. See why I usually restrict these lovey dovey emotions to Mariah Carey records? If you’ll excuse me, I have to go scare people with my rendition of “The Sweetest Taboo.” Yeah, I’m being melodramatic. But it be’s that way sometimes.