I’on See It & I Definitely Don’t Hear It

For most of my life I’ve been compared to people I don’t think I look anything like.

As I’ve previously mentioned, when I was a kid with teeth taller than me I got called Bucky O’Hare. Once the baby fat turned just fat, baby, I remember a girl called me Theodore from The Chipmunks in middle school. Fat and mean at the time, I called her something that I’d rather not repeat on here.

Once I thinned out a bit, Tiger Woods’ popularity soared — as did my comparisons to him.

After a while I went from cablanasian to ca-crackhead. More and more people said I looked like a fake ass Debarge. Chico to be exact. In fact, there was a girl who called me Chico throughout college.

I called her skinny ass Trina out of spite.

Then once I graduated, Maxwell decided to wake up from hibernation and find himself a barber. For some reason Maxwell without the hair looked like me everyday of the week to some folks.

As of late, though, all I seem to get is Chris Brown and warnings not to hit on Rihanna. I just got my fourth comparison to Chris Brown on Saturday during a house party.

I was standing next to a light skinned girl with a cut like one of Rihanna’s. The kind that doesn’t remind people of Prince or Michael Jackson circa Bad era.

Most of the time, I brush off those comparisons, but after twice being compared to a certain someone from Making The Band, I’m ready to research elective surgery.

Wait, not really, but I said that to be dramatic. Did it work?

No? Well, wouldn’t you react funny to being compared to Quanell Mosley?

I don’t think we look that much alike. He’s skinny with big teeth. I know that description applies to me, too, but I don’t know, ya’ll. I don’t see it.

On top of that, someone told me I sound like him. My response, “Is that your way of saying I sound like a bitch?”

He told me that’s not the way he meant it, but when I think Que from Making The Band, I don’t think, “Yeah, that’s the dude you want people to compare you to.”

I don’t really too much care for my voice. It’s one reason why I deflected from suggestions that I get into radio and channel my inner Wendy Williams and Star. That and syndication killed the lives of most jocks.

Anyhow, I asked a few people if they found this comparison to be true. My brother said no, arguing that Que’s voice is higher than mine. My friend said hell no then proceeded to look at me stupid for even asking.

My sister said, “Oh no!” at the comparison alone, but then came right back with, “Well, ya’ll do have a similar tone so I hear it.” She then quickly added, “But you don’t bitch out like that.”

A sister knows her brother.

My brother-in-law doesn’t agree with her. I already liked him, but I think I like him even more now for that reason alone. She still says we do indeed sound alike. Meh.

Both disagreed that I look like him.

But that’s what I heard on Friday. Sitting at a restaurant, a friend of a friend started looking at me and said, “You know, you look a lot like Que from Making The Band.”

My friends both laughed as they could guess my quick reaction.

Word.

Take a look at my pics and judge for yourself.

Even though I don’t think I look or sound all that much like him, maybe I would be more inclined to brush off comparisons to dude if he didn’t seem so damn crazy on the show.

I’ve read his Twitter. He blames it on editing. Yeah, whatever. The thing about editing is that while story editors and producers do very much twist events around and piece things together that likely didn’t happen on screen as it did in real time, they’re still going by footage you gave them.

So if you’re in front of the cameras acting like your ass needs a hug and a prescription, what do you expect producers of a TV show to do? Talk about you in dance class?

I had to pause the TV so many times because he was getting on my damn nerves. I don’t normally get worked out over a show, but damn, did anyone else want to reach through the screen and knock the hell out of him?

He seems like a nice person at the core, but a tad bit touched. If he keeps getting out of pocket maybe Day 26 should replace him with Babs Bunny.

I prefer being called a fake ass Chico Debarge. He may be out of his mind and strung out, too, but at least the cameras aren’t on him.