Hit The 2:00 Mark

If anyone was going to do it, it might as well have been the crack addict with no inhibitions. Kanye’s already responded. He didn’t throw a bitch fit. He only quipped back on his blog: “AMY WINEHOUSE HATES ME!!! NOW I’VE REALLY MADE IT!!! LOL!!!!”

Translation: He doesn’t want it…and who could blame him? One bite from her and he’ll have to be put down like Cujo.

This is the downside of getting a drug addict to do a sober person’s job. No one takes your opinion seriously. And really, isn’t that comment one Kanye should give a little consideration to? Let’s look on the bright(er?) side: At least Amy sounded good singing the line. Impressive for someone who treats their throat like a trash chute.

Apparently she sat next to Beyonce following her performance at Glastonbury. She opened for Jay. I wonder if asked Mrs. Carter if she could smoke a piece of her weave.

I hate to be so blunt about it, but I don’t want her to die, but I get the feeling I care more about her health than she does. That’s never a good sign.

For Real?

With all due respect to Entertainment Weekly (a publication I actually enjoy), my response to their “New 100 Classics List” is: the hell. The magazine rated the 100 best albums from 1983-2008, but not only is their rankings a bit odd, it ignores many classics – particularly of those in the R&B genre that can’t be classified as “pop light.”

For example, as much as I love Lauryn Hill, is The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill really the second best album released in twenty five years? Is The College Dropout the fourth? Madonna’s debut the fifth?

They kicked off the list with Purple Rain. Eh, but having said that, where is Sign O’ The Times on the list? Likewise, The Blueprint is #7, but where’s Reasonable Doubt?

And how can you include Rhythm Nation (#54) but not the .janet album or the The Velvet Rope albums?

I like Back to Black, but #9, seriously?

And just how in the hell did Dangerously In Love make the list (at #19)? Same for Back to Basics and Britney? None of these albums are even the respective artists’ best offering.

So many people laud Tidal (#20), but When The Pawn… is a much superior album.

And get this: The Emancipation of Mimi is ranked just below Tidal. To that I say: Stop playing Mariah’s dual medicine cabinet/wine cellar. Where are my Butterfly fans? Emancipation is something I enjoyed at the time, but soon forgot about. Kind of like The Writing’s On The Wall (#92).

It’s good to see some of my favorites listed (My Life #70, Stankonia #12, Illmatic #28, CrazySexyCool #36, It Takes A Nation Of Millions to Hold Us Back #55, Trap Muzik #95, Mama’s Gun #64, Ready To Die #40), but the exclusion of the debuts of Erykah Badu, D’Angelo, and Maxwell make me question the credibility of this list. But you know what? Their omission explains why of all the offerings of Alicia Keys to choose from, they go with her most soulless offering.

I’m about to turn on Toni Braxton’s first two albums and sing really loud off key. Shortly thereafter I will hit myself in the throat and sing select tracks from the Aaliyah album.

After that, I’m turning on the Bad album and telling the crafters of this list to pull over and get their get it right. How can you put Dangerously In Love on here and not Bad?

I won’t even get on my Jodeci stan kick.

You can read the rest of this list by clicking here.

Feel free to vent with me.

Works Every Time?

Forty years ago, Black people started to use graffiti art as a means of social and political expression. It was also used as a way to bring beauty to otherwise ugly conditions. Now it’s being used by malt liquor companies to sell Colt 45. Do some of these corporations have any dignity at all? I know, I know: It’s a malt-liquor company, of course not.

Thankfully, by the time I started to tackle this, I read that protests from various residents of Philly – where the ad is placed – have led to it being painted over.

“Works every time?” Apparently not. Still, isn’t this despicable? The person that allowed the faux mural to be painted on his wall is no less despicable.

Jeff Rosenblum, the owner of Jay’s Pedal Power on Girard Avenue, has a graffiti-style ad painted on the wall next to his bike shop. It shows young people dancing in a party setting while they drink malt liquor. It features the Colt 45 slogan: “Works every time.”

Rosenblum said he had reviewed the design beforehand and “personally did not see anything offensive.”

But the city says ads like that one, placed by Pabst Brewing Co. around Fishtown and South Street, are illegal because they were put up without permission and wants them taken down.

“I think it’s totally silly,” Rosenblum said of the complaints. He said the city and civic organizations should go after big billboards and leave small-business operators like himself alone.”

Translation: I have 40 ounces to sell.

I understand that business is business, and alcohol and tobacco products are a fixture of American society and companies advertise to every group (although more emphasis is placed on certain groups more than others), but this ad is tactless and transparent.

If you can’t read the bottom right caption, it says, “Yo, enjoy our frosty malt beverages responsibly!”

Somehow I doubt you’ll see this ad in the suburbs or near any swank downtown luxury apartment complexes. Just the other day the people over at Ciroc Vodka essentially won the biggest prize at this year’s BET Awards. Still, Ciroc Vodka advertises to every Vodka enthusiast. It’s clear Colt 45 is targeting one type of group with this ad campaign?

“Yo, enjoy our frosty malt beverage responsibly?”

Yo my nuts, Colt 45.

Sexual Eruption

This entry and its accompanying video are both dedicated to those who inhabit the city of New York.

A few weeks ago I read an AP article that said one-fourth of the city’s residents have herpes.

According to that article, a survey stated that about 26% of all New York adult residents have genital herpes. It seems the herpes rate is higher among women, black people and gay men. Sounds like someone’s trying to kill off my core readership. I’m glad I’ve been reaching out to Romania, the Ukraine, Japan, the U.K. and Australia.

Anyhow, today I came across another article that says more and more New Yorkers are contracting sexually transmitted diseases because fewer people are using condoms.

The department surveyed 10,000 adults in the five boroughs, and found that many are putting themselves at risk by having unsafe sex.

Forty percent of all New Yorkers engaged in sex without a condom with multiple partners.

In a year that has seen sex scandals involving top local politicians, the survey also addresses the issue of cheating. Five percent of New Yorkers admitted to having sex outside their relationship.

Men are three times more likely than women to report multiple partners.

That explains why New York is Bumpy Town. Thanks to that article now whenever, “Where Brooklyn at?” I’m going to assume the answer is the free clinic.

The Ciroc Awards

Just a few observations about the BET Awards:

D.L. Hughley was about as funny as constipation last nite. He had a few moments, but overall it was like his old shtick from a decade old edition of Comic View only not as good. But hey, if he’s still getting hosting gigs, he must be doing something right. That or Mo’Nique asked for a break.
Also not funny was the award show banter — minus Niecy Nash, of course.

Where were all the winners? For the few awards they actually handed out at the BET Concert Awards, most of them didn’t seem to show up. Did folks wake up Tuesday morning and say, “I ain’t going to that shit?”

Everyone needs to give it up to Michael Jackson, because even when he’s not there he’s still the star of the show. Ne-Yo needs to send Michael a check for recreating the “Smooth Criminal” video last night.

Negro Please Quote of the Night: “We’re blessed to be in T-Pain’s presence.”

Someone should ask Kanye what it tastes like. Probably beef flavored Ramen noodles, weed, red Koolaid, and bad breath.

That other comment he made: “I’m one of the king’s right now, so my opinion counts” – there’s so many different reasons to laugh at that.

This is “Generation Next?” Should I take a deep sigh now or at least be grateful that Soulja Boy plans to vote (take that, Nasir)?

Keyshia Cole looked great, but sounded like Frankie fresh off a pipe run. And she was doing so well lately. No Longer Lil’ Kim was irrelevant – and didn’t they bring her out with Keyshia last year?

Alicia did well. One of the highlights of the night. Lil’ Wayne seemed timid for him. I enjoyed “A Milli,” but overall very average for him. Same for Jill Scott.

Yay. It was good to see SWV, not necessarily hear them. I loved the group, but Coko was not on it yesterday. T-Bone looked like she had just woken up. Chilli looked so happy to be on stage. Enjoy it while it lasts, Frosty.

Usher: Oh how the mighty have fallen. Whatever that odd note was at the end sounded like back pain. I enjoyed Old Jeezy more. I hate “Love In This Club” now, by the way. He should look into a retirement villa. Bring Nelly.

Rihanna sounded really good. Go her.

No disrespect to T-Pain, because I applaud his hustle, but am I the only one who finds him incredibly corny? He still reminds me of the oldest Gummy Bear/an Ewok.

And now for the best of the night:

I am so glad that John Legend didn’t take part in the Al Green tribute. If he was that boring just standing on stage, I can only imagine his performance. Whatever planet Maxwell flew in from, revoke his visa and force him to stay. He killed it!

Last but not least:

Chris Brown- With You/Take You Down
Uploaded by youngkingz12

I have nothing bad to say about Chris. Absolutely nothing. He and Ciara did very well. Speaking of Ciara, can someone please tell her she’s sexy so she can stop trying to bounce her muscle butt on stage to prove that she’s ultra-feminine and sexy. Y’know, because selling sex is what makes you oh so different.

As for that post-show goes: That’s the best Ciroc commercial I’ve ever seen. As a matter of fact, this blog entry is brought to you by the great people at Ciroc Vodka.

Yeah, I’m done now.

Dead This Already

Am I wrong for laughing at this? I’m not sure if this is Soulja Boy’s brainchild solely, but he uploaded it and either way it’s funny as hell.

I’m a little put off that playing Super Nintendo is a considered a credible insult these days, but then again, Soulja Boy was born in 1990. I could care less what he thinks.

To be honest, outside of “Cop Killer,” I can’t think of one Ice-T song. The most I remember about Ice-T is killing JC’s fiancé on New York Undercover. So basically, I know him for being Danny-O (or wait, is it Danny Up? Whatever) and marrying Coco. Other than that, you got me. I understand that he’s a pioneer in hip-hop, but he’s a little past my time so my knowledge of his music career is limited. West Coast readers: help me out.

I don’t agree with Ice-T in placing the fall of hip-hop on Soulja Boy, but he has a right to his opinion as faulty as it is. But just the idea of a 50-year-old man arguing with Soulja Boy is laughable.

I mean, it’s Soulja Boy — the glimmer of hope to all crack babies. Do you really want to beef with someone like that at 50? On top of that, Soulja Boy comes off as the mature one. Yes, the moron that pisses off of hotel balconies for kicks is the example of maturity in this silly beef.

Do me a favor, Ice-T. Listen to Face Mob.

Now let it go, Ice-T. Go play with Coco’s ass or something.

The Secret

Never one to miss an opportunity to exploit someone else’s fame and success to increase his own celebrity, Diddy Puff wasted no time in shooting a video with newly christened King of Hip-Hop, Lil’ Wayne for his video blog on YouTube.

Besides using their lips to massage each other’s cheeks, Puff Puff Diddy asked Wayne to share tips to would be superstar emcees. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I found Wayne’s tips to be pretty boring.

I’m not a multi-platinum ringtone seller (yet), but I have much better tips.

Like:

1. Don’t go to school. A GED can’t get you on BET.

2. Say n*gga a lot. To the point where I think you either owned slaves or you really, really, really, really love Black people (y’know, since it’s a term of endearment).

3. Say b*tch and f*g a lot, too. As a matter of fact, be as misogynistic as possible then whine like a little girl on your records. Or sing like Ashanti’s your vocal coach. Folks will call you sexy because of it. As for the homos, say you hate gay people over and over again, then walk around oiled up in your video and tell another man to suck your dick. Don’t forget to say ‘no homo’ as much as humanly possible, though.

4. Shoot somebody. And if that’s too much for you, lie and say you did. Go even further: Say you killed somebody. When folks ask for proof, just get some tear tats on your face. Folks will forget the only person you ever shot was yourself. Trust me.

5. Can’t rap? Get a ghostwriter. I heard Gillie is available.

6. Smoke weed. To the point where your mouth looks like Philly’s blunts gave birth to you.

7. Buy a vocoder.

8. Visit your relatives in the south. Swagger jack their accents. Look: We rule the world right now.

9. Two words: Call T-Pain.

10. You know how Wayne said, “You don’t try to be different, because when you’re trying to be different you end up being the same, because everyone’s trying to be different.” That was actually pretty profound, but look who’s co-signing him in the video.

That’s the same person who’s made a fortune selling people an image of how they’re supposed to be. So sure, “do you,” but do you in a way that talks about the same shit as everyone else. Word to shiny suits.

You’re welcome.

Stuck Up Colored

The second I get a little annoyed by Barack Obama, I’m reminded that there’s no way in hell I would ever consider voting for the alternative. Thanks as always, Karl Rove.

And just what does the spinmaster have to say this time? Plenty apparently. Thanks to Karl Rove’s “genius” i.e. playing on the racial prejudices, homophobia, and religious intolerance that millions of American bigots harbor, Rove successfully led a ditzy, ex-coke head with a famous last name to the presidency twice. Now he’s trying to do the same thing with old man McCain.

This time he plans to put us in another four years of misery by marginalizing Barack Obama as the uppity Negro.

According to ABC News, while at a breakfast with “Republican insiders” Rove said of Obama: “Even if you never met him, you know this guy. He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.”

Only in American politics can a Black man raised by a single mother that grew up on food stamps be described as the love child of Carlton Banks and Bryant Gumble with the chance of people actually falling for it.

If you missed this previous post, Barack Obama was getting his credit card declined at car rental places in this decade. That means, despite being involved in politics for years, he still wasn’t rich. Unlike some people, he didn’t have a trust fund to milk – be it the one handed to him by his father (Bush) or the one given to his wife (McCain).

Obama didn’t have any money until four years ago after matching that speech at the convention. That’s when white people were like, “HEY THAT’S NOT JESSE!” and then went out and bought his book. No offense, white people. I’m happy he wasn’t Jesse or Al, too.

Obama has Newport mouth and Rove’s trying to make him martini man? He can’t be serious. I wish they would lock him in a room with Michelle. She looks like the type of woman who carries a razor under-the-tongue as a security.

I’m going to give American people the benefit of the doubt this time, and assume that this old style of politics won’t work.

Rove also added that he believes Obama to be “coolly arrogant.” He does have a certain air to him, but that other description of Obama should only be believed by people with access to George Bush’s old stash. Why is Karl Rove still making the news anyway? Shouldn’t he be in jail by now?

Do Not Bootleg

A friend bought me The Secret Life of Bees earlier this year. I’m not the biggest fan of fiction, but I really enjoyed this book. It’s extremely well-written and was one of those books that I didn’t want to put down.

I remember bringing it with me to an Obama rally months ago, and an older white woman looked at me and said, “Oh I loved that book. It’s nice to see a man reading it. I’ve only seen women with it.” As she was smiling, I thought, “Did this old bitty just do me?” Turns out, if you look at the back of the book, part of the publisher’s description reads: “This is a remarkable novel about divine female power, a story that women will share and pass on their daughters for years to come.”

They meant to add “… in addition to men without vagina envy that can appreciate good writing.” Just to be on the safe side, I might pass out copies of The World According To Pretty Toney to random females come December.

My friend bought me the book in anticipation for the upcoming film. The cast includes the likes of Dakota Fanning (aka Jodie Foster the Sequel), Jennifer Hudson, Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, and Tristan Wilds from The Wire.

If you’ve never heard of the book, the story goes as follows:

Set in South Carolina in 1964, The Secret Life of Bees tells the story of Lily Owens, whose life has been shaped around the blurred memory of the afternoon her mother was killed. When Lily’s fierce-hearted black “stand-in-mother”, Rosaleen, insults three of the deepest racists in town, Lily decides to spring them both free from jail. They escape to Tiburon, South Carolina — a town that holds the secret to her mother’s past. Taken in by an eccentric trio of black beekeeping sisters, Lily is introduced to their mesmerizing world of bees and honey, and the Black Mary.

If you haven’t read the book, I invite you to check it out. Book adaptations can go either way. But, judging from the cast, I’m thinking this movie might turn out pretty well.

Look: Be happy none of these chicks are on a pole, have a problem with their baby’s daddy, or plan to hit the stroll to pay back their pawn shop loan.

Another movie I’m looking forward to is Spike Lee’s Miracle at St. Anna.

I always complain about how Black films of substance are so hard to come by, so when there’s a film from a Black director that fills that void, I have to support it. I hope Spike is finally recognized by the Academy for his hard work. And, check out Laz Alonso. Way to go, Bison!

Alright, let me stop pretending to be Siskel.

Sit Down, Kia

Swagger jacker of the week honors go to Kia Motors, who is no doubt trying to ride the Obama wave to move as many cars off the lot as possible. Yes we can? More like ya’ll ain’t right.

$11,888 is not a bad deal for an SUV. Too bad it’s going to cost $11,888 dollars to fill that thing up by Christmas.