Obviously Confused

The never-ending coverage for the film adaptation of the Broadway musical, Dreamgirls, continues, this time with an interview with original Broadway cast member, Sheryl Lee Ralph. This portion of her interview caught my attention.

R.C: How do you feel about Beyonce portraying the role you originally bought to life – Deena Jones?

SLR: It’s interesting, when Tom Eyen who is the creator, had this idea, he said that the Dreams, have to be three obviously black girls. Why? Because America will always go for that light, bright, long haired black girl because they will feel comfortable building her up, since they see themselves in her.

But for the obviously black girl, if she makes it, she deserves to be right there. Because they aren’t trying to push her, that’s why the Dreams had to be three obviously black girls.

So when they cast Beyonce in the role of Deena Jones. I said, “Wow, this is exactly what Tom Eyen said would happen.” They going to take to that light, bright blackish blonde girl because they feel comfortable with her. That’s the reality.

R.C: Who would you have cast as Deena Jones?

SLR: That’s hard because the industry isn’t pushing her, so you don’t have an obvious one to pick from. The closest one I can think of, that’s an obvious black girl with that glamour thing to her is Lauryn Hill. Heather Headley is kind of close but she’s not Deena. You know Deena is Diana Ross, she’s a drama girl, an out right glamour girl.

Someone explain to me what an obviously black girl is? I know what’s she getting at, and I think it’s dumb as hell and divisive to say.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1429235/0…98/fugees.jhtml

Though with a different producer, Lauryn Hill was originally offered the role of Deena Jones way back when, so while she does a have a point that in many cases cast directors will go for a fairer skinned black, she doesn’t in this one. They chose Beyonce because like Lauryn at the time, Beyonce is the most visible black female artist out there. Their intent is to reel in younger audiences to the theaters. Lauryn just happens to be a far better actress than Beyonce — and both of them appear obviously black to me.

Round Two: You Get On My Damn Nerves

Back in November I published “Oh I Think They Irk Me: Round One” – a list of all the music acts that irritate the shit out of me. Well, it took me long enough, but I’m back for round two.

Marilyn Monroe meets Betty Boop

Christina Aguilera

Is she ever fucking happy? What is up Christina’s ass that always has her in a funk? On second thought, I remember the “Dirrty” video, so don’t answer that. A few years ago she made swipes at Britney, Beyonce, and Pink. Britney, because even fat and married to a bum she can garner a hell of a lot more press than Christina could standing butt ass naked outside the White House. I gather she doesn’t like Beyonce because Beyonce can dance like a stripper and still not be labeled a slut the same way she is. That and she can sing just as well as she can. And Pink, hmm, I don’t really remember. All I can recall is Christina saying Pink copied her, though I do believe Pink worked with Linda Perry first.

Now Christina’s commenting on everyone’s favorite eternal tween, Mariah Carey. I’m not a lamb (at least not admittedly anyway), but I wouldn’t comment on someone taking anti-depressants. Not only is it in poor taste, but you never know when you might run into a crazy person the one day they forgot to take their medication. Can anyone else picture Mariah strangling Christina Aguilera then quickly getting a manicure?

What bothers me the most about her is that her voice really isn’t all it’s hyped up to be. She can sing, yes. But it’s the same run over and over again. She’s been screaming at us the same way since “Lady Marmalade.” And am I the only one that notices how often she ends every line with a “ha!” during her live performances?

Everyday is so wonderful…ha!

And suddenly…ha!

It’s hard to breath…ha!

The hell are you laughing at?

Lastly, I hope the spirit of Donny Hathaway kicks her ass for ruining “A Song For You.” That was one the worst remakes I’ve ever heard.

I lost it after the 2004 Superbowl.

Justin Timberlake

He’s a bitch. There’s really no eloquent way to put it. I don’t forgive Janet for letting this lame defile her in front of a billion people, but he’s sorry for pretending to be shocked at what happened. This fool wants to be down more than Brandy ever did, and has failed miserably at every attempt in the past few years. Talented, yes. King of Pop, hardly. What crack pipe were the people over at Rolling Stone sharing when they dubbed him that?

I can only imagine what the response will be to his second debut album, which is reportedly called Future Love/Sex Sounds. Hey, Justin, Prince and Gwen called – they want their style back. And you still have Michael Jackson holding on line 1.

When it was ok to show your breasts.

Janet Jackson

I love Janet Jackson, so I won’t be too brutal. I mean, I’ll still do the butterfly and yell “Controoool” at all hours of the day, so their is a level or respect there. I have no shame. But lately, she’s been getting out of pocket…musically anyway. First she dropped “Weekend” as a “gift” to her fans. If you didn’t already know her childhood faith didn’t allow many celebrations, you did after hearing this song. “Weekend” makes me yearn for Monday mornings. And, after listening to her new single, “Call On Me,” I have to face the music: it may be a wrap for my girl. That song sounds like “Dilemma Part 18” and sounds like something the Cheetah Girls should be straining to hum on the Disney Channel. Not many want to admit it, but more and more I think Rene had a lot more influence on her music and image than people let on. Janet hasn’t changed her look in years, and she’s become extremely boring. I say someone kidnaps Rene and hold him ransom until we get a new sound and image for Janet out of him.

Beyonce, only with less calories.

Rihanna

Ok, Rhianna is cute the very second you cover her nine-head. Her first single, “S.O.S.” with the accompanying Beyonce-inspired video are both surprisingly enjoyable. And then I heard her second single – a ballad entitled “Unfaithful.” Who told that chick she could stand in front of a mike and actually sing into it? That song could wake people out of a coma – just so the person could bitch-slap whoever didn’t turn off the radio the very second that awful song began to play. “S.O.S. please someone help me, this young big head chick cannot sing.” She seems like a really nice girl. I want to keep thinking that way, so please, no more ballads, Rhionce.

Ne-Yo: Too ugly to post

Ne-Yo

Ok, maybe I’m in the minority here, but his album does nothing for me. His voice is a bit bland to me, and despite giving ugly people hope that they, too, can have a career in the image-driven music industry if they persevere and write enough hit songs to guilt a record contract out of someone, I don’t get why he’s so popular.

Older Than God

The Isley Brothers featuring Ron Isley AKA Mr. Bigs BKA Tax Evader AKA squared Dirty Old Man

Why does he have an album called Baby Making Music at the age of 209? Eww.

Paris Hilton

If you don’t think the Devil is real, listen to her debut single. She makes this heathen want to join the church choir.

Deja Vu

A year ago on Fathers Day I wrote about my dealings with my father, and how I yearned for the chance to vent my frustrations to him and come to some sort of understanding. That never happened. I thought that maybe I was passed hating him. In fact, thats what I said. The days, weeks, months, and now year that follow let me know that Im not. You shouldnt hate anyone, I know. But, its hard not to feel that way about someone whos never shown any remorse for his actions. Hes still the same person who goes off into drunken tirades from dusk til dawn. The man that wishes death on his most loved ones has not had a change of heart. He is who he is: an abused child who was abandoned by his own, never fully healing from that, which subsequently led to his hatred and distrust for the world and all who inhibit it.

A few weeks ago I was leaving my house around midnight, and I knew he was out there – bitching and moaning as usual. I dont even remember the exact words he said to me, but lets just say I was angry enough to do something I would have regretted. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed.

I think maybe what bothers me and whats been bothering me is that when I look in the mirror, I now see him. Back in the fall I looked in the mirror and thought my father was behind me. It wasnt him, though. It was me. No one ever said we resembled each other, but as my round face continues to thin out, and I continue to move forward in my adulthood, the resemblance is there. Theres no denying it. Ive always been cautious about not becoming him, but the idea of looking like initially made my stomach turn.

Today, I called him to say Happy Fathers Day, ironically enough around the same time I called last year. He asked me if I needed any money, I say no. He says I love you. I say it back. The call ends. Not even a full two minutes. Not that there was anything else to say. No point in saying its because of him I still have a huge distrust of people and Im very reluctant to let people get close to me, because I know someone elses selfishness or bitterness can leave me vulnerableand hurt. No use of saying hes lucky as hell I didnt break his ass in half for asking me something very personal in such an asinine way. You funny? Took every bit of me not to swing yelling, Yeah, n…. (bad Mike, I know), I’m hysterical.

This is a man thats going to die with very few people shedding a tear. A week ago I left Houston thinking that Im fine with hating him. Now, Im not really sure. I love him and I pity him, but I do hate him for what all the evil things hes done, and I resent him for not owning up to his actions. But I know why he is the way he is, so instead of holding it in, Ill just learn and grow from it. Over the last year hes told me he wishes that he had my opportunities. It didnt hit me until this very second, but that acknowledgment proves that Im not himand I never will be.

Where He Needs To Be

Yesterday I along with some of my favorite people in the world from Howard University all met up to see a free concert with Donell Jones done at City Hall (New York). Needless to say, you get what you pay for. I love Donell (old Donell anyway), but that fool sounded like a walking D.A.R.E. commerical on stage. Either he got kicked in the throat on the bus ride (well…he was a far ways from MSG or the Nokia Theater) to the venue, or some substance has been bitch slapping his vocal chords.

Donell did the show to help promote his new album, which drops this Tuesday after 878 delays. It dropped on my hard drive four months ago. I dropped it off into the recycling bin not long after.

It was a bit disheartening to see one of my favorite male vocalists from the 90s era (it’s rarity now that many of them can actually hold a note) sound so out of breath and tune.

Dude was looking and sounding like wack ass post-Jodeci, “K-Ci and JoJo” era JoJo. 😦

“You say when you love someone, you just don’t treat them bad.”

I take it this doesn’t apply to his fans.

The Devil Owes Me $7.50

I, like a good little sucker, went straight to the theater last night to see The Omen based on the strength of the brilliant advertising campaign laid out by Fox. My friend, fearful of us viewing this movie on 06.06.06, said about a million prayers during the drive to the theater and a few more right before the film began. I’ll admit that I said a quick prayer, too. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t pray to God to ask him to make this film viewable. I didn’t see the original, but that’s never stopped me from going to a see a remake before. Thanks to The Omen, I’m changing that policy indefinitely.

The only ungodly thing about that film was the acting and the script. Liev Schreiber crying with no visible tears. Maybe in his next film he can get shot, but not bleed. Julia Stiles did the best she could, but it’s not her best performance. Mia Farrow was great. That’s the first and last time I’ll use the word great to describe anything related to this film.

The only thing frightening about the movie was young Damien as a child. I took one look at that kid as a baby and said he looked like hell with that big forehead and receding hairline. (I hope I don’t pay for that one.) I think my friend and I enjoyed the film so much because it was so easy to mock. A lot of the people in the theater seemed to agree.

I was ready for some intense scenes. Hardly any damnation. No prayers to drive the little evil spirit back into the bottomless pit from whence it came. The specials about the Rapture that aired in the 90s that I was forced to watch were far scarier than this flick.

Thanks to them, I now think hell is a 104 minute display of bad acting, cheesy music, lazy interpretations of biblical text, and blue eyed kids that make Smurfs look like demons.

Dumb Dumb Deflecting

What do you do when the war you schemed to start seems unwinnable, the dollar you’re in charge of controlling is close to becoming the new peso, and your popularity or lack thereof becomes less and less evident as the months pass by — all within a mid term election year? Do you apologize for your actions? Do you introduce new ideas that’ll pull the country out of the mess your imbecilic policies dragged us into? Of course not. Why bother when all you have to do is play off the fears of a homophobic and ultra-religious society? Like he did just two years ago, Dumbya is attacking the source of all this country’s current grief: homosexuals and their unrelenting quest to destroy the oh so sacred institution of marriage.

Here is a transcript of the idiot-in-chief’s speech made earlier today.

And here is the President’s jock-strap taking his rhetoric and shoving it down the throat of its intended audience: the ever tolerant conservative base of America. Sure, they’re mad that your policies aren’t really that reflective of conservative ideology. But hey, you read the Bible, you hate gays, you’re anti-Affirmative Action, and you’ll fight a merit less war and make room to start another the second the “biased liberal media” (that seems to be in your backpocket, oddly enough) turns a blind eye, all is forgiven.

Taking the bait, soon after more credible news outlets will cover your nonsense. Like here. And here. And here.

I support gay marriage. I am pro-marriage. Gays should be able to enjoy the same rights as heterosexual couples. Homosexuals should abandon their attempt to desecrate the holy sacrament of marriage.

The cultural war is on.

Naturally, the votes aren’t there, but what does it matter when you’re more interested in playing politics?

“Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society,” Bush said in his weekly radio address. “Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all.”

Right, because we all want future George’s and Barbara’s to raise such selfless, tolerant, caring, and courageous people like you, W.

106 & Useless

Come back. Come back now.

I think my friend just wanted me to suffer with him, so at his request, I turned on 106 & Park. If you’re reading this, I will get you back.

So five minutes in I see this hooker with a bright yellow dress on and twenty-seven and a half inch heels. The dress is really tight. It’s riding her thighs. I can almost tell what day she got her snatch waxed. Who else could it be but Mariah Carey? Channeling Big Bird, Mimi struts down the 106 and Park set twirling her hair like Malibu Barbie, making her way to the couch with Pinky and the Lame to discuss her new tour.

Mariah Carey and Sean Paul on tour together. One can’t dance, while the other can’t talk. Match made in heaven. Her tour is called “The Adventures of Mimi.” One trip to the pyschiatrist. Another to the pharmacist. Then to the bar. All with a fan set on high blowing in her face. There, I just saved you some money.

I actually love Mariah Carey so I’m saying this all in jest (well maybe not all…), but it’s time I admit the obvious: Mimi’s crazy as hell. I want to just chalk her antics up to her being drunk, but some of that is just Mariah in rare form. I’ll just liken her to a crazy but lovable relative.

But what I won’t tolerate is that “Yes I’m is” talk she was yappin earlier. My my, aren’t we down when convenient. You can’t be ghetto and blow air kisses at the same time. “No, dawlin.”

Actually, Mariah could show up on the show with a bong pissy drunk trying to rap like Roxanne Shante and still be better off than Whitney Houston lately. So do your thisel, Mimi.

The show got progressively worse following Mariah’s appearance. And apparently the show has become 106 and Apollo. Dance contest? I’m waiting for Kiki Shephard to pop up with that old puzzle looking board from Soul Train any day now.

Then there are the actual videos. Sigh. Music sucks nowadays, don’t it?

Everything else I’ve learned from this show:

1. This show could be called 106 and Bankhead and no one would say anything.
2. Julissa and Tigga have about as much chemistry as a queen and a buttnaked stripper from Atlanta.
3. I could see little kids lining up in front of Mariah Carey in that dress like they’re about to board the yellow school bus. They looked oddly similar.
4. Cassie sounds like Lumidee and crawls around like Jennifer Lopez. “I’m Glad” you’re signed to Bad Boy; it means you only get one video.
5. When someone lets you know 106 is about to come, turn the tv off.